The following announcement is going to make someone out there very sad. I know this. But I feel like I have to get it off my chest anyway.

I like Lady Gaga.

There. Now you know. I'm not listening to this station because of Bobby Bones, even though that's what I'm going to tell you. I'm listening to it because they play Bad Romance 57 times a day. In fact, it's the only song I hear anymore. Even when another song is playing, all I hear is Lady Gaga. When the DJ is talking? Lady Gaga. Are you speaking to me? I'm just gonna nod in time to the beat because I'm hearing that Ra Ra-ah-ah-ah Roma Roma-ma GaGa Oh la-la.

Don't as me why. One, I don't know. Two, you wouldn't like the answer if I knew what it was, so why ask? In the same way that a fifth of bad whiskey makes me retard strong, Lady Gaga makes me retard happy (no offense meant to our handy-capable readers out there). I don't even realize I shouldn't be enjoying myself until the song stops. Then, when I finally broke down and looked LG up, I realized she sings half the other songs I hear on the radio a dozen times a day and I... well, the sad truth is I liked all those songs too. I know I shouldn't. I don't even want to.

I understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore. I might even encourage it. This... disease... I have might be contagious. I would hate to suddenly realize that I've passed on my insatiable hunger for all things Gaga to a friend. And yet... I just... can't... help... but embed a Lady Gaga song right here in this very post! Gah!